November 28, 2012 by Leah
For those of you who don’t know, baby poop has a variety of textures, colors, and smells depending on the baby, the age of the baby, and what the baby has eaten. It is a subject of unending fascination to moms. My baby pooped multiple times a day for the first four months, and then suddenly changed things up and only pooped once every five days, on average. The texture also changed from runny-ish to kind of paste-like.
When a baby is only pooping every five or six days, those poops are LARGE. And tend to explode out of diapers. But, this is okay! Because breastfed baby poop can just be thrown directly in the washing machine. It washes out just like yogurt. (It also kind of smells like yogurt.) So when it gets on the diaper, the diaper cover, and every item of Baby’s clothing, you just take it directly to the washing machine and fire up a load of dirty diapers (because there are ALWAYS diapers in need of washing). No big deal.
However, there comes a day when it will be developmentally appropriate and just plain fun for a baby to start eating solid foods. For us, that day was Tuesday. Last Tuesday. The first real solids poop did not appear until yesterday morning. Seven days later. There was an intermediary poop that lulled me into a false sense of security, but as you can read all over the internet, you can really tell when things have changed by the smell. And when things change, it’s time to start putting baby’s poop in the toilet.
So, I grabbed the diaper sprayer I’d ordered many moons ago that was supposed to be easy to install, and started in on my home plumbing project. Steps 1-5 were so self-explanatory that I was having dreams of becoming the plumber in Aaron’s and my relationship. I fell down on the job where I often do, when it came to tightening things. Even using tools I just don’t have the kind of grip strength and leverage that Aaron does. Also, he knew where the plumber’s tape was, and I did not. So, he finished installing the diaper sprayer (referred to as a bidet by the instructions, I noted).
Easy-peasy, right? Not so fast. Mamas the internet over have written about this whole getting-poop-into-the-toilet process (and it’s not limited to just cloth-diapering mamas, apparently you’re really not supposed to throw human waste into landfills). Many people make use of a diaper sprayer like this one. Some people say, “Just knock the poop off into the toilet!” Or suggest scraping it off with toilet paper. And some say they just dump their diapers. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?! I sprayed and sprayed and the giant paste-like smear of poop got very wet but still clung to the diaper like a limpet. Toilet paper was not going to do the job. I finally had to designate a poop spatula, and even that was not super-efficient at de-pooping the diapers (he’d gone twice by the time we got the sprayer installed), so then I felt horribly guilty about tossing the whole mess into the newly-again-functional washing machine, because what if it malfunctions again because I’m throwing poop in there?! Maybe we should start potty training.